TSA Announces New Screening Rules

Funny story written by Dan Cun

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

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TSA and Homeland Security have announced new pre-boarding screening procedures that they say will ease the flow of passengers though all US airports. The new system will come into effect on 1 June.

In a memo leaked yesterday the new procedures include:

Honesty boxes - where passengers carrying weapons or contraband can just drop off banned items anonymously.

Racial Profiling - Where only those of Middle Eastern appearance are searched or screened.

First and Business Class Exemption - Those paying more for their seats will be exempt screening, with screening only reserved for those who fly coach.

As well as the new procedures, as of 1st June, passengers can also now pay to avoid screening. A $100 charge will be levied at the time of purchase of an airline ticket for those passengers who wish to bypass the TSA.

A TSA spokesman said "We have decided to put the responsibility of the safety of passengers on the passengers. We have heard them complain endlessly about delays and screening so we have decided to forget about safety and security and give the American people what they want…..apathy."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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