The US has launched a major operation near Samarra today. Us and Iraqi troops with 50 aircraft have thundered into battle. Iraqi foreign minister, Hushamy Mouthe, hailed the assault as an excellent example of ‘magnificent US and Iraqi co-operation to deny refuge to to those naughty insurgents.' The operation, named ‘Swarm of Angry Bees', is intended to clear the area of ‘foes of freedom'.
Commanding US three star general, Mad Dog Mulligan, in a break from a well earned breakfast of grits and freedom fries, said ‘These dastardly insurgents are gonna learn the American way of doing business, and I don't mean the oil business.' His Iraqi second in command, major Awad Omoney laughed uproariously and almost spat out his false gold teeth. ‘We like this Yankee can-do' he said ‘You silly press wallahs do not understand what we gonna do here I tell you.'
Iraqi intelligence had pinpointed the whereabouts of the insurgents by using their latest high-tech method of stringing up informers to the newly built electric pylons built by the US Corp of Engineers, who had, on the request of the Iraqi Ministry of Burnt Down Home Defence, attached meat hooks.
‘We fry them a few times and they soon come across I can tell you' said Omoney.
In an effort to allay fears among traitorous, lefty commies at home, and pinkos abroad, that innocent people may be hurt, US commanders initiated a new plan. Shortly before the attack, an Iraqi piper, playing the Arabic flute called the Ney, entered the town and began to play in a mysterious fashion. He was seen leaving the area followed by hundreds of children who were taken to a safe place, Abu Ghraib. Next, the Iraqi singing sensation, Perri Koma, managed to swoon most of the women away with his haunting rendition of ‘Missiles Over Baghdad'. They then joined their children.
Mad Dog Mulligan told us ‘ You liberal pen pushers ain't gonna spread filthy lies about our brutality again.'
McDonald Rumbottle, US Secretary of War, sent a carrier pigeon message to ‘his brave boys', saying, ‘Our thoughts and prayers are with you at this time of danger. The President wishes me to tell you that you are in his prayers, along with the people of Iraqsville, who want to be free just like you boys fighting for the mid term elections. I only wish I could be there with you but those pesky Democrats are biting my ass like it's a rump steak'
Initial results are encouraging. The pentagon reports that so far, 500,000 prisoners have been taken with just one insurgent killed. He was the insurgency head cook and fell into a huge vat of boiling sheeps heads when the first shell fell.
