Written by Kid Icarus

Saturday, 22 October 2011

image for The Zeta Cartel Strike Back With a Vengeance
The killer who spread the listeria on the farm equipment.

The Zeta Cartel sent a letter to a Colorado police station in Granada, claiming responsibility for the death of 21 people who died of listeria contamination found in cantaloupes.

The Zeta Cartel mailing was sent to the police stamped with double the necessary postage and the instruction "Please Rush to Chief." Inside were a "Jesters" brand greeting card. This letter marked the first appearance of what appeared to be a body count.

The letter goes as follows, "This is the Zeta Cartel speaking, up to this moment we have killed 21 people from listeria contamination. We paid a worker at the Jensen Farms in Granada, Colorado to put listeria spores on the equipment in the farms packing facility. We have grown rather angry with the police for their efforts to stop our drug shipments, so we have changed the way we deal with our problems. We shall no longer kill people on an individual basis. When we commit murder it will be by the hundreds, by the thousands and eventually by the millions. Our killing tools have become sophisticated and beyond your reality. The death machine is already made. It's not difficult for you to save people, just leave the Zeta Cartel alone and stay out of our drug operations.

The police shall never catch us, because we have become too clever for them, we have become the top predators in this failed humanity.

An old, gypsy fortune teller has informed us that "Francisco Blake Mora," the interior minister of Mexico, might die in a helicopter crash within the next few weeks just like the previous interior minister "Juan Camilo Morino" who died in a Learjet crash.

Look for an E.coli outbreak in St. Louis and the surrounding county and also in the North Carolina State Fair within the next week. Z Z Z Z"

Government investigators found positive samples of listeria bacteria on equipment in the Jensen Farms packing facility and on fruit that had been held there.

The police Chief in Granada said he is willing to negotiate with the Zeta Cartel to save the lives of countless people. He is going to order his men not to interfere with Zeta drug shipments coming into his city and he is going to instruct his men not to harass drug dealers working for the Zeta Cartel. The police Chief wants Zeta Cartel shipments to be marked with a specially designed Z to prevent counterfeiting of the Zeta identification, so the shipments could be allowed through.

In a separate statement, the DEA said it would allow Zeta drug shipments though the border if it guarantees the safety of innocent people. The DEA wants a specially engraved Z to be on the shipments to prevent other gangs from duplicating the official Z of the Zeta Cartel. Only Zeta shipments would be allowed through the border.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Drug Cartels

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