Written by Lyndon

Friday, 23 September 2011

image for No more last-meal requests in Texas as executed white supremacist ruins it for the rest of death row's rat bastards
Texas officials would not confirm that the lethal injection contained Ruptured Sphincter Hot Sauce

AUSTIN, Tx.--Lawrence Russell Brewer wasn't even cold and stiff from lethal injection late today before the Texas lawmakers started the ball rolling to end fancy last-meal requests.

Brewer, 44, had requested quite a feed for his last meal including a 3-meat bacon cheeseburger, a meat-lover's pizza, a yummy bowl of okra with ketchup, two chicken-fried steaks, a pound of barbecue, peanut butter fudge, a half a loaf of bread, and a pint of ice cream.

When Brewer refused the food around 4 p.m., stating that he wasn't hungry yet, Texas officials injected Brewer with a bunch of chemicals and killed him.

Human rights activists were up in arms. Local leader Manuel Garcia told reporters, "How can officials get so pissed off at Brewer because of this food fiasco? I mean, who was the stupid asshole who okayed this take-out order in the first place?

"All I know," continued Garcia, "is that we eat dinner at my house around 8:30 p.m., so there's no way I would've been hungry at 4 p.m. either."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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