National music treasure Kate Bush has become the the latest victim in the current spate of happy slapping attacks in and around London.
Ms Bush, creator of such classics as Wuthering Heights, Babooshka and Cloudbusting was reportedly shopping in Richmond when the incident happened.
Said one passer-by: "Kate - isn't she terrific? - was just coming out of the supermarket. It looked to me like she had a bunch of flowers, some Persil, and a couple of baguettes, when these two blokes ran up to her and gave her a happy slapping."
"It all happened so fast," said another. "And I wouldn't swear to it, but the two guys looked awfully like Elton John and his partner, film producer David Furnish. They didn't have little Zachary with them, though."
Ms Bush is reported to have sworn vengeance on the couple. Said a third witness: "As Elton and David ran off giggling, Kate waved her fist at them and shouted, 'You just wait, you scoundrels, me and the Trio Bulgarka and - and... David Gilmour, yeah, Dave... we'll get you!"