Terry Waite has made a dramatic plea to be reunited with the Islamic radiator that was central to his captivity at the hands of Jihadists in 1987, saying he was seeking sanctuary from the inclement weather conditions.
The plea comes as temperatures in Britain plunged to a day time low of -8 in some areas and this has seemingly flushed out the former hostage.
Waite now claims he would much rather spend winter in Beirut with his previous captors, the Islamist Jihad Organization (IJO), who had sustained impeccably high temperatures all year round.
'This cold is just too much for a religious nut like me. I seek my immediate re-capture. Please.'
'These guys knew what they were doing. I had my shirt off twenty-four seven.'
'I mean it was like the set of 'Hawaii five-o' in there. All that was missing was the plastic boobs and the box of Kleenex I would usually have with me when I was watching it.'
He went on to wax lyrical on the radiators merits.
'The radiator was one of the best rendered I have ever come across.'
'My stay sort of tarnished my radiator expectations for the rest of my life really, as any one I have encountered since has been a real let down.'
Waite, whose beard was later re-branded as camouflage for pest controllers culling badgers, disputes the a 2010 conspiracy theory that his initial capture was down to chancers recognizing his beards potential in curtailing the threat posed by the omnivores.
He says this claim was as a result of an over zealous journalist working on the principle that Beirut rhymed with Hirsute.
'That story is total bollocks. The badger camouflage stuff was a much later development involving DEFRA.'
The IJO released a statement saying his return was impossible as the radiator is fully booked for the forseeable future under the name of Wikileaks Chief, Julian Assange.
