Whitehall to ban the use of rectangles

Funny story written by Deafo

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

image for Whitehall to ban the use of rectangles

Whitehall are to ban rectangles in government buildings as part of a cost cutting exercise aimed at saving the tax payer millions of pounds a year.

Officials plan to implement the proposals within the next fortnight after the National Audit Office (NAO) raised their concerns.

The NAO was called in to assess the progress of departmental savings in line with the Chancellor George Osbourne's 'austerity budget', and found much more needed to be done to meet the targets.

NAO spokesman Ewell Seymour said, 'We advised the government that their departments did not understand the cost saving programme well enough, and that as a result the savings were negligible. Cut more was our message. The specifics as to what or where, we left to them.'

Hastily convened discussions between Whitehall officials determined rectangles to be an area where significant savings could be made.

George Osbourne was quoted as saying,'There were a number of factors that influenced the decision. Rectangles, as we had suspected, require infinitely more maintenance than squares, due to their extra length. When you consider that ninety per cent of of the rooms in government buildings are rectangular, it was felt ecumenical to alter the status quo. For all the years I have been here staff working within them have complained of suffering from bouts of prolonged disorientation which has been frequently cited as the reason for so many wrong decisions being made.'

A member of Whitehall staff who wished to remain anonymous, said he felt the government were being 'unnecessarily obtuse.'

Structural changes to buildings will commence in January 2011.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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