Written by queen mudder

Saturday, 25 September 2010

image for 'Sudden onset narcolepsy' rumor about MI6 cryptographer postmortem tests
Sudden onset inexplicable death syndrome suspected?

London - (Copper's Nark Mess): Did something trigger a latent, fatal sleep disorder in MI6 cryptographer Gareth Williams, causing him to keel over and accidentally suffocate?

Pathologists are staying schtum.

But frenzied red top speculation suggests a spinal fluids test produced 'bizarre electrolyte readings'.

These are linked to 'classic cataplexy' symptoms of the narcolepsy sleep disorder and manifest as moderate to severe muscle collapse.

Experts say these can be set off by a range of strong emotions:

"We're talking about a spectrum of feelings from exhilaration, anger, fear, sudden shock etc to orgasm, religious rapture, embarrassment and even laughter," Dr Einstein Flintstone, Royal Freak Hospital Emeritius Professor of Narcology said today.

"Severe cases are often indistinguishable from signs of death without specialist equipment such as a continuous auditory pulse oximeter," Flinstone continued.

"In simple laymen's terms, someone having a severe cataplectic fit may 'appear to be dead'.

"In the - purely hypothetical, you understand! - case of a young man working on 'extremely sensitive spooky business' such a possible fit could cause an extreme knee-jerk reaction by a third party....like an immediate bagging up of the body and plan for its hasty disposal.

"But, hey! Don't quote on that, I'm just a wacky old clinician with an axe to grind since my research funding was cut off for er, 'inappropriate diagnostic techniques', heheh!

"Care to see my patent for a new type of spook-proof body bag?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Gareth Williams




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