'Europe must cease as a viable entity' was the surprising verdict of a European Commission report accepted unanimously in Germany today. 'We will all go down together if we carry on as we are' explained a spokesperson (with a long unpronounceable name).
Next year all countries in Europe, including Britain, will return to their own jurisdiction and go back to the financial and other arrangements used before the Common Market began.
In Britain school children will no longer have to learn French, which will be replaced by Welsh in the national curriculum.
'It all makes sense' said the new Governor of the Bank of England, Nigel Lawson. 'It is a policy we should have followed many years ago.
'This is one small step forward for Britain but a giant step forward for mankind' exuded a happy Nick Clegg. Liberal Democrat policy has not previously been in favour of such a policy but Clegg explained :'I listened to the new Governor of the Bank of England and realised we had got things wrong in the past.'
City analysts, who always dislike uncertainty, are uncertain about the future. 'Things might get better or worse' was one expert opinion.
