Written by Skoob1999

Saturday, 5 June 2010

image for Epsom Derby - Police On Standby
There May Be Trouble Ahead.

Surrey Constabulary were reported today to be gearing up for a major incident following a massive influx of 'undesirable' types in Epsom and Ewell, thought to be concentrated on Epsom racecourse.

Early eyewitness reports indicate that men wearing top hats and tails, many named Henry or Charlie had descended on the racecourse and have been drinking since early this morning. Mainly champagne.

Many women have also been spotted quaffing champagne whilst wearing evening gowns and funny hats, many named Henrietta, and according to sources, difficult to distinguish from the horses, both in appearance, and in the way they seem to bray, snort and guffaw.

Slightly more alarming for the police has been an influx of cockney bookmakers and ex-snooker playing scousers with TV camera crews.

"We're currently monitoring the situation," Detective Chief Inspector Bill Snapper, of Surrey police told us. "So far they all seem to be pretty focused on some horses running about, but you can never be too careful. Our lads are prepared for any eventuality, and we're all too familiar with the possibility that ex snooker playing scousers, cockney bookmakers, whinnying females and blokes in top hats can form an explosive mix. But we're not worried. We've got pepper spray, big boots, shields and batons, so we're confident of keeping the situation safely contained. Unless they've got guns. In which case, we'll have to send for some too."

More as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Epsom Derby

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