Reports are flooding in that a woman went stark raving bonkers overnight in Basingstoke, Hants. The unnamed woman was first observed acting bonkers in London Street, where witnesses state that for some inexplicable reason she started to scream at the top of her voice and wring her hands in dramatic fashion.
Eyewitnesses said that the woman then went skipping through the shopping centre singing "Tra la la!" in a high falsetto voice and waving at window displays.
"I've seen some weird things in Basingstoke, local man Nick Nicholson told us. "But I've never seen anything that weird before."
The woman later appeared outside the town's railway station, where she sat on a bench and started to 'play' an invisible grand piano, as stunned commuters looked on. She then did an impromptu ballet dance and disappeared down Alencon Link.
She was last seen crawling along Worting Road licking the pavement and barking like a small, yappy, irritating dog.
Concerned for the completely bonkers woman's welfare, our reporter called the police, but they were all out and about, apparently 'doing police stuff.' In desperation our man managed to contact Doug Douglas, a local dog warden, who told us:
"I'd love to help you mate, I really would. But I only do dog stuff. Catchin' strays and that. Catching bonkers women isn't really within my remit. I shouldn't worry about it if I were you. She was probably drunk or on drugs or something. Happens all the time."
Indeed it does.
More as we get it.
