Written by crassnsilly

Thursday, 20 May 2010

image for Wii enters London Olympics
Andorra's gold medalist hopes for the 2012 Wii-lympics

LONDON'S 2012 Olympics will be embracing the digital age with a new class for computer sports.

Talks between the London 2012 committee, Nintendo and the Inclusion department of the Department for Culture, Media and Sport (DCMS) have resulted in the addition of competitions aimed at the housebound.

The success of Nintendo's Wii Fit in promoting raised fitness around the world have led the inclusion of a raft of new categories, such as sedentary marathon running and thumb-propelled javelin throwing.

"Digital technology is changing today's modern world and the way that people keep themselves fit," said a DCMS spokesperson. "Actually moving about is becoming a thing of the past.

"The government is committed to inclusion for everyone. The obese and indolent have, for too long, been excluded from international sporting events. Our ever-increasing waistlines are evidence of this country's prosperity, like our American cousins and hopefully, the sight of skinny, toned people sweating in shorts and singlets will become a thing of the past."

Jo Lard, a Wii Fit enthusiast from the Isle of Weight, agrees. "It's unfair that only athletes should be allowed to compete in athletics. Now I can compete in any event at the Olympics just by pressing the red button. It's great that people like myself are no longer discriminated against. I would go out to protest but I am too fat to fit through the front door."

Conversely, football's world governing body, FIFA, have banned Nike's new iPhone football app from the professional game. A spokesperson said that use of the training programme would give players an unfair advantage, likening it to the use of anabolic steroids and other banned substances. A new fifth official will be monitoring players at this summer's world cup for tell-tale thumb-wiggling movements which indicate use of the application.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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