Harry Potter fans were today aghast to discover that since leaving Hogwarts, Harry Potter had taken up an assumed identity and in the guise of Alistair Campbell had infiltrated the Labour Party in a desperate bid to halt the progress of the Evil Lord Voldemort aka Gordon Brown!
Darling went onto explain that the sudden terrifying outbursts of bad temper were normal for The Dark Lord and that he'd managed to put the little known "Speakus Bollox 'n spellus ridiculus Spell" onto Mr.Brown without his knowledge thereby reining in his evil intentions.
Mr.Darling as he now likes to be known went onto explain that the Evil Lord would soon be forced to retreat to his castle over the border and the hard pressed people of England would be able to go about their lives normally again.
Leader of the infamous death eaters Peter Mandelson wasn't available for comment as he was presently on holiday in Madeira.
