Written by Rebut

Sunday, 29 August 2004

image for Mark Thatcher's Bid For President

Sir Mark Thatcher confirms that his bid to take over Equatorial Guinea and then move to Texas, was in fact a bid for the US presidency. "Where else have you heard about a man from Texas who later takes over a foreign country by force? I was just doing it backwards and going to Texas after I had taken over Guinea".

Equatorial Guinea is a West African state of around half a million people ruled by alleged cannibal, President Teordoro Obiang. It is oil rich, coming in as Africa's 3rd largest producer.

Sir Mark is of course the son of former British prime minister Margeret Thatcher and the late Sir Dennis Thatcher, whose title he inherited.

Sir Mark resides in Constantia, an upmarket suburb, of Cape Town, South Africa but was thought to be relocating swiftly to Texas. Swift in this case has no reference to Cambodia circa December 25 1968. But then Kerry didn't have cannibals so you judge who gets more exciting roles.

When an old Etonian Simon Mann and a number of other mercenaries were arrested in Zimbabwe in connection with the coup attempt, disappointment set in all round.

Firstly you'd have thought they'd have got a bit further towards Equitorial Guinea. Secondly many well known figures including Lord Archer were being implicated and thirdly President Obiang had already fired up a cauldron with carrots and potatoes which was simmering nicely just waiting for it's first customer.

Two mercenaries who had gone on a sight seeing tour of Guinea ahead of the rest, were caught by local members of the police force. When the press asked President Obiang what he thought of the two mercenaries, he had no hesitation in pronouncing them delicious.

Simon Mann like Thatcher comes from exulted stock. His family included the Watney Brewing Group and his farther and grandfather had captained the England cricket team. Unfortunately he appears to have been caught at silly mid-off.

President Obiang is also well met. He has met the ambassadors of all countries with an Embassy in Equitorial Guinea and like the two mercenaries who had been sight seeing, he pronounced th...but I digress.

The funding of the coup appeared to be coming from an old boys network which Sir Mark must have become acquainted with during his days at Number 10 Downing Street and beyond.

The mercenaries were just waiting to be found in South Africa who no longer has a war of her own. Put money, guns and the men to use them together and what do you get? Breakfast, Lunch and Supper for Teordoro pass the leg stump and right arm over....washed down with a bottle of Chianti ts ts ts ts...

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Texas, Mark Thatcher

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