Red-faced scientists now admit that melting polar ice will not raise sea levels as much as first thought. In a statement issued from the Institute of the Bleedin' Obvious, it was acknowledged that ice cubes floating in glasses of water do not significantly or even a tinsy-winsy bit raise levels once melted.
However, a spokesperson from the Institute of Silly Physics said that it may be possible to melt down all the polar bears and penguins as well in order to see if that made a difference.
People in low-lying countries are said to be Dutch and relieved. See next week's article on the alarming sea level rises due to excessive urination by mannequin pis statue.