17 Year-Old Wants It To Be Clear That He Isn't Gay

Funny story written by Mark Taylor

Monday, 4 March 2002

image for 17 Year-Old Wants It To Be Clear That He Isn't Gay
Casey Douglas: I like girls.

Casey Douglas, a 17 year-old Junior at Mona Shores High Schools wants it to be perfectly clear that he is indeed not a homosexual.

Douglas makes this claim after years of speculation. The speculation is due to Douglas involvement in with the dance team and he has been known to "design" his own clothing. He is also a part time employee at the Gap. Also adding to the "dude that guy is so gay" theory is that fact that Douglas has no male friends.

"Casey is a good guy and all, he is nice to me and everything, so I don't have a problem with him, I just think he is gay," said Tom Carlson a Shores senior, he adds, " I'll talk to him and everything just as long as he doesn't start to have a crush on me or some shit like that."

Douglas has repeatedly denied reports that he is into "dudes."

"All these people come up to me and ask he if I'm gay and I don't know why, I mean like sports as much as the next guy," Douglas said.

Most of his classmates feel that Douglas' interest in sports and racing are just an attempt to over compensate his feminine qualities and to disguise that fact that he is indeed a homo.

"He is always at our games cheering us on, reported Carl Sandberg, the Football Team Captain, "Which is cool, but I do feel he is trying to hide something."

Sandberg has said that Douglas has even gone as far to talk about the game the following Monday. Sandberg adds that it always seems rehearsed.

As the year goes on, many feel that Douglas will continue his charade.

Douglas is currently working with the dance team to choreograph a dance for the District finals, as good as it is it doesn't help to dispel the rumors.

"He's a great dancer and this dance is really good" says Amy Simonson, a dance team member, "There is no way a straight guy would ever be able to do that"

It is the feeling of the majority of Shores students that it is in Douglas' best interest to just come out.

"He should really just admit it," says English teacher, Roger Michaels, " I just look at him and think, just admit it you little faggot, your not fooling anyone, i guess he will admit it when he feels the time is right."

Douglas says he will continue to deny this allegations.

"I like girls, I just do, they may not be as tone as guys but..." stated Douglas as he searched for words to end his statement, " I just like girls"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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