Burnham's woodie gave him warning that surfing the world wide web was not safe for man nor child alike.
The Culture secretary found himself sailing along on a sunny day aboard the good ship Internet until quite by accident his bark encountered the Scylla and Charybdis of porn and gratuitous violence. Burnham apparently in an effort to steer away from the bloody gut spilling brought his craft too close to the whirlpool of nudity and thus Burnham's wood came all over the Dunsinane barcalounger.
" That's when I decided that no child of mine or anybody else's would be swimming amid the filth of websites like Queenie's Queer Ole Cottage, Whore House of Lords or London's Tower of Penis power!
" We'll be instituting a rating system just like the British Beefeaters Association. P for Prime Rib, S for Sirloin, H for hamburger and SP for Spam."
