Centuries after British eccentric Lord Elgin removed the 'Elgin Marbles' from the Parthenon in Athens, Greeks finally noticed they were missing seven years ago. But then almost overnight a hysterical and retrospective industry began, demanding for the return of the Marbles, although Greeks had to visit the British Museum in London to find out what they actually are.
Speaking in the Greek capital of Athens, through a haze of smog, ouzo salesman and Classical archaeologist Professor Ari Aintcharleses stood beside a ruined Greek temple and said: 'OK, so we didn't care about our ancient civilisation for thousands of years, 'til the British came and re-educated us about it. But we know how to pull a fast one to make a few easy drachmas, by great Nicosia!'
And housewife Maria von Callashnikov said: 'We haven't lost our marbles, the thieving British swine stole them! We want them back now, then we can finally play a game we can win against the Turkish barbarians!'
But a British Mooseum spokespensioner stated: 'Finders keepers, losers weepers, ner ner, ner ner ner!', and Prime Minister Gordon Brown announced a special new 'Marble Tax', to rake in any few pounds left in Britain after the last budget.
Mrs. Cherie Blair, famous for being sister to stunning journalist Lauren Booth, also added: 'Please, please, please buy my book, please!', and her husband, Mr.Tony Um Blair, put on his Hugh Grant nice-chappy voice, and said: 'Well, um, you know, ha ha, yeah, well like, OK - they're Greek, sure, but so are AEK Athens, and, er, well, um, ya know, what about it, huh? Baby Spice is rather pretty, isn't she ....'
However, Archimedes declined to be interviewed about the Marbles, saying he had 'an invention ready in the microwave', widely expected to be a plate of burnt moussaka and rice.
