Sunderland Pigeon Cree Under Threat

Funny story written by Vinyljunkie

Saturday, 8 March 2008

image for Sunderland Pigeon Cree Under Threat
They winnit hev me pigeons, lad

Pigeon Fanciers from around the country flock to visit the Ryhope Pigeon Cree now a Grade 2 Listed Building built in the early Fifties by miners with wood from the pits transported to this spot their by hardy Carrier Pigeons.

The threat of the Cree being moved or either demolished has brought the Media's satellite trucks to this locality by the dozen to interview the owner known to the locals as aad gadgie 'Toothless Tommy' who has adamantly stated: 'They winnit hev me pigeons lad, ah will fight tooth an nail te keep em'

Pigeons have been born and bred on this site for generations, once again our reporter Dicky Sparrow was able to get an insider viewpoint on how this threat is effecting the occupants.

Wing Commander 'Monkey Nut' Molloy was brought back from France by 'Toothless Tommy' at the end of the Second World War, he cooed as he said, 'Ah sarved me cuntry flyin back and forth frem England te France, puttin me life on the line leik, aa've spent aal me retirement heor and been git happy upte noo. Wey except fre the gadgie thet moved in upstars, leik, e thinks a lot of himsell that 'Sir Poopsalot'.

'Monkey Nut' was referring to an ongoing neighbour dispute inside the Cree, agreeing with 'Monkey Nut' long time pal 'Stumpy' said, 'Ah hes a dorty bugger'. 'Stumpy' another veteran of the loft had been a champion racer in his time but had his career abruptly cut short one night when 'Toothless Tommy' had been on the broon ale and had shut the Cree door suddenly, 'Stumpy' denies he was on performance enhancing drugs at the time.

Suffering from 'Pigeon Lag' after returning from an around the block flight, another veteran 'Biggo' said, 'Wey tuday it's all aboot money man, it wez not leik this when I wez a young un'.

All the veterans said they were going to continue to support 'Toothless Tommy' even though their current situation in the Cree ment they would be continually dumped on by 'Sir Poopsalot'. Who said in his defence, 'Wey I canna help it man, it's the cheap corn Tommy feeds weh on'. Supporter of the campaign to save the cree, local MP Fraser Kemp said 'Weh aal the wanna de is fly the bards leik'.

Gordon Brown had made a commons statement about the crisis, 'I will reduce tax on my namesake 'Broon Ale' to help these stoic gentlemen through this difficult time'.

News of the fight to save the Cree has spead nationwide, Celebrity Robbie Coltrane has lent his support, but due to the possibility of him damaging a Grade 2 listed building he was not allowed to enter the Cree.

The Campaign will continue to go on.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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