Whitehole, London - (Shambolic Mess): Peter Hain has been booted out of the Cabinet after Prime Monster Gorgon Brown grassed him up to the Met's Serious & Disorganised Crime Division "for failing to declare £103,000 of donations to the police."
Hain had long been suspected of doshing up the cops about assorted sordid matters relating to his fantasy life as a bone fide Member of Parliament.
In a statement from his orifice the joint Work/Pensions and Welsh Secretary said:
"I am stepping down to clear my bank accounts...er, my good name.
"The mere suggestion that I have been hiding something is quite frankly absurd.
"Anybody who knows me will be able to smell the sheer injustice of it all.
"However I am not really bothered and fully expect to stage a spectacular comeback sometime around 1st April."
An update follows shortly.
