The Foreign Office is to relocate to Milton Keynes. A secret document, known only to myself and several million "Mail On Sunday" readers outlines the plans.
As the Foreign Office needs to save Billions of pounds for its operations in Afghanistan and Iraq, the proposal is to move the 1000 old age pensioners and their support staff from the Old Admiralty building (the second oldest building in Whitehall) to a block warden patrolled housing in Milton Keynes. The BBC were immediately contacted to see if they can send some people to tart the places up a bit.
The official reason for the move is that the Foreign office costs too much to heat, due to the number of over 60's at the FO. Peter Ricketts in an official document states " Due to the aging population at the FO we can no longer sustain life at below 35 degrees in the winter, therefore the fuel bill is horrendous, we must downsize" He goes on to explain how our troops in Afghanistan will benefit as currently they are on starvation rations and by moving the FO to Milton Keynes a saving of 1.5 million will enable the troops to enjoy oats with their bread and water.
However I have uncovered secret emails which tell a vastly different story. Apparently the alternative Russian Ambassador, a MR Uri Nal Blovvjob, has promised Russia will do a deal on the Koyoto agreement if the Foreign Office is moved. Mr Blovvjob's email states "It is a fact that Britain's old farts at the foreign office are the biggest producers of greenhouse gasses in Europe and as such we must ensure that Britain is doing its bit to help, and besides who wants to see such tutlesque faces when London is so full of young men aching with life and love - I don't want to see old men in London, do this for me and Koyoto is yours".
So eager is 10 Downing street to do a deal, they have already setup a Post Office Box number for the Foreign Office in London, and it will be hosted at Mr Choudries Corner shop newsagents in Lyme Street Westminster.
When I showed the dossier I had collected to a foreign office representative he simply shrugged his shoulders, grimaced at me and drew his finger across his throat in a cutting gesture.
