ID Card Database Lost on the Tube

Funny story written by Shaun Ferguson

Tuesday, 20 November 2007

image for ID Card Database Lost on the Tube
Missing Laptop

The entire database of UK Identity Cards is due to be lost an Underground train within 3 months of the new ID Cards being introduced.

This prophecy, which is highly damaging to the Government and the country as a whole, has been made by Southend's foremost clairvoyant, Count d' Tealeaves.

He claims to have seen a pinstripe-suited, semi-balding man in his early thirties board a District Line train at Westminster, with an MOD surplus laptop containing the data and a rolled umbrella. His attention was diverted by a buxom woman of Eastern European appearance, believed to be Russian, whose male accomplice swiped the laptop and made off with it.

Initial reaction from the police was that citizens should not panic as there was no certainty that the data had fallen into the wrong hands, even though the male accomplice was reported to have been wearing a KGB sweat shirt.

However, within a week every UK citizen had their bank accounts emptied out and by using the data in conjunction with the contents of freely available Home Information Packs, the thieves were also able to re-register 40 million homes into their own names.

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith whose department issued the cards, Secretary of State Peter Hain who energetically campaigned for them and Ruth Kelly who was responsible for the introduction of Home Information Packs during her term as Local Government Minster could not be contacted for comment.

It is thought they obtained Russian passports and went to live under assumed names in South America.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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