New Scotland Yard - (Ass Mes): Beleaguered Met police chief Sir Ian Blair has hit back at calls for his resignation and said people want him to quit because they think he's related to ex-Prime Monster Tony Blair.
"If I was called Ian Cannabis or Ian Crack Cocaine nobody would be baying for my axing right now," Britain's top cop said confidently today.
"But people just l-u-r-v-e those tabloid headlines that say 'Blair Must Go!' and 'Blair Is Guilty!'.
"That's why they're whipping up this media witch-hunt calling for my head on the chopping block.
"Sorry if we got it wrong about pumping eight bullets at point-blank range into an illegal Brazilian migrant worker whose visitor's visa had long run out and who tested positive for crack cocaine.
"These things are bound to happen if people flout the law during terrorism stake-outs at dodgy South London drug-dealing postcodes."