In Seine news can exclusively reveal that Britain is suffering from 'Zenophobia'. This follows the government's plans to issue 'obesity' warnings to the parents of children as young as 18 months, which were unveiled yesterday.
Unknown to many, if children don't change their eating habits they will all resemble Buddhas and with so many around, it could trigger hordes of people to seek enlightenment.
Swami Shukayumi, a leading Buddhist Guru from Tibet tells us that: "This is nonsense because being fat by its very nature does not make you 'enlightened', in fact it makes you much heavier. People forget that the real Buddha was a prince who ate and ate and ate. He did nothing else and therefore had plenty of time to think - or meditate. When he was not thinking about food, he considered the circle of life and maintained that people keep returning as something else until they become perfect - obviously politicians have a long way to go."
He was then asked about John Prescott to which the Swami replied "obviously he is not enlightened - he's got 2 Jags. He's just a slob and he's gonna come back as Jabba the Hut or even worse Vanessa Feltz!"
"Jonny Wilkinson has the right idea, although it should be made clear that he is just practicing at the moment but will soon become professional when he quits rugger. Last week's performance was just a test of faith to see what his attitude would be like and obviously he is not 'one with everything' yet! I can assure you that the next Rugby World Cup will see some great tries by Jonny."
