A girl of 5 years who is very old for her age was discovered today after being bought up in the wild by a pack of travelling warrior Greengrocers. These voodoo fruitsters took the small girl under their stall when they spotted her trying to sculpt a statuette of ex-France President Jacques Chirac out of her own faeces.
The girl, named Honeydew, has only rudimentary language skills, more often than not merely barking the price of grapes at passers by. She is currently being held in Boston Zoo where customers can witness her suckling breast milk from a raspberry.
Experts in the fields of sociofruitology have been studying her as the only living example of a 'feral-fruitmungaloid' She is said to be responding well to non-fruit based stimuli like eggs, cashew nuts and David Schwimmer from white supremacist US sitcom 'Friends'.
The real mystery is, however, who and where are her parents. It is not yet known whether she was abandoned due to her illogical and nonsensical fruitery or whether this formed later.
And ultimately who cares.
