Written by Velveeta Peron

Tuesday, 28 August 2007

image for Camilla Backs Out of Fortnum & Mason Engagement

Fearing for her own safety, Camilla, Duchess of Co-Respondent has canceled a much anticipated visit to the posh Piccadilly grocer, Fortnum & Mason.

"It isn't safe to go," she muttered from beneath her tester bed at Clarence House. "If people turn on me -- and face it, they've turned -- I'm apt to be pelted again."

Friends say Camilla still remembers being bombarded with stale buns at the height of the long running surreality program, The West Enders, in which she played a pivotal role as a Joan Collins type character.

"I can't say I blame her," said one friend, who declined to be identified for fear of being identified as a friend of the beleaguered Duchess. "It's one thing to take a Cornish Pasty in the beak. But as everything Fortnum sells is in jars and tins, She could really take a hit!"

To further plot appropriate and gluten free appearances in the future, the Duchess has entered into an exclusive consulting agreement with the pollster at the Daily Mail. So far, she's free through the Queen's Diamond Jubilee.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Camilla

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