Beautiful lady floors Tories

Funny story written by Kent Pete

Sunday, 26 August 2007

image for Beautiful lady floors Tories
Most beautiful lady shopping yesterday.

In a story that will amaze and bewilder Conservative voters throughout Britain the Spoof claims today that the party is about to self destruct due to a Beautiful lady who has won the heart of it's two most prominent politicians.

Party leader the Rt Hon David Cameron MP and Shadow Foreign Secretary William Hague MP have both declared their undying love for a Model they saw on an advertisement outside the Houses of Parliament on Thursday evening.

Speaking to our Political Correspondent Peter Musgrove the Conservative leader and MP for Witney said yesterday, "It is true. This beautiful lady has won my heart. Her eyes are so gentle and warm and yet they say, 'Take me up the Rotherhithe Tunnel you Capitalist bastard'. It is an intoxicating combination. I haven't felt this much in love since 4th grade."

When asked whether or not he was willing to sacrifice his whole Political career the Eton Fag repiled, "I'm afraid I would."

However in a dramatic development, the Shadow Foreign Secretary and only serious rival to the Cameron leadership, William Hague, has also declared his undying love for the model who, by simply being so beautiful, appears to have reduced the main opposition party in Britain to a laughing stock unable to fight an election should, as appears increasingly likely, one be called in the near future.

The Prime Minister Mr Brown was unavailable for comment however a Downing Street spokesman said today, "This truly is a situation without precedent. OK we had Prime Minister Wilson rimming Lady Falkender but at least she was real tottie, however grotesque she may have been. These guys claim to be in love with a women they have only seen on a poster for fuck sake. I'll admit she is a very beautiful lady but come on, get real. I can only hope Mr Brown calls an election tomorrow. The Tories are in chaos."

The Spoof was unfortunately unable to get any high ranking Conservative to speak on the matter. However we did manage to track madcap Right winger Boris Johnson down outside a service station in Upper Warlick.

Speaking to our correspondent he said, "I don't know what all the fuss is about. Yes she truly is a beautiful lady , but I have found that the uglier one's are a better bet. In the words of our great poet Philip Larkin: 'Beauty will shy north of our greatest masters but the grateful will suck till dawn so they shall'."

Unable to match the Oxbridge graduates love of the fine Arts our reporter decided to cut his loses and left the service station leaving Boris to stock up on petrol, crisps and Bedford Funnington's.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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