Written by Robin Barnard

Tuesday, 19 June 2007

image for Thor admits "partial blame" for England flooding chaos
Not even the Church was spared.

An inquest into the recent "poor handling" of the recent local flooding which was dealing with the local council and the local water authority took a bizarre turn as it received a surprise visit and testimony from the God of Thunder Thor this Thursday.

The inquest had been staggering on for several weeks beforehand reaching no conclusion whatsoever with everyone involved neatly avoiding or downright denying any responsibility or culpability for the mayhem caused. The continually ongoing and "hard fact backed" accusations of "non existent crisis management" made at the council and "under equipped and poorly maintained drainage" made at the water company when the proceedings where interrupted literally from a bolt from the blue and the appearance a visage of a bearded man who had the appearance of a Viking

Initially the inquest was uncertain what to make of this occurrence and it was only when Mr. Thor identified himself several times, assumed a human form and stopped speaking in a loud booming voice did the court resume some kind of normality.

It was at this point that Mr. Thor revealed that he was in fact partially to blame for the recent flooding. He confessed to the inquest that he had been "mightily upset by recent events in his tangled and complex love life" and had gone out and expressed his frustration the only way he knew how by "making it rain as hard and as long as he could".

Mr. Thor expressed deep regret at the damage the excessive amount of water had caused and offered to make reparations however the inquest saw fit.

Both the water company and the local council wasted no time in dismissing themselves from the proceedings and any responsibility, culpability, action or reparation citing that there was no a clear and actual defined case of the flooding being "an act of god".

It was also announced soon after this revelation from Mr. Thor that additionally any insurance company worth its name would not be paying anyone affected a single penny in damages whatsoever for exactly the same reason.

A local trading standards officer expressed no surprise at these subsequent developments: "Its no surprise the council, the water company and any insurance company has acted in the way they have, in all honesty they normally do the same in any case it just so happens this time round there's is actual proof that it truly was an act of god."

Mr. Thor has been given a sentence of community service which consists of repairing any damage that his flood caused a sentence which Mr. Thor readily agreed to and made good on.

An affected resident was astonished at the good news "normally we just get more or less told to get lost by the council, water company and insurance companies in a roundabout sneaky way that absolves them of responsibility of course. But this time, we are actually going to get our houses repaired which is great news."

Mr. Thor has also promised to no longer deluge the local area in the future. Nevertheless, he did express some concern about the location of the town being right next to the sea, backing onto a river on reclaimed land that was actually below sea level. Considering the drainage is only able to accept approximately 2cm of water per square foot, while the average rainfall is over 20cm - and no disaster strategy in place - it is no surprise the events happened as they did. When asked to further comment on this he said "lord what fools these mortals be."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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