BMA HQ, London - (Ass Mess): National Health Service doctors are being ripped off by their dealers to the tune of some £500 million per annum.
That is the startling finding of the Met's Drug Enforcement Agency which says GPs, shrinks, podiatrists and rheumatologists etc are at the top of the list for paying way over the odds for a typical quarter ounce of premium grade skunk.
"Nobody should have to fork out more than thirty quid for a quarter of weed", said PC Dave Skunk.
"But doctors are being targeted to pay as much as £40 to £60 for a typical 7 gramme bag because dealers know they've just had a wacking great big pay rise with a typical London GP grossing some £120,000 per annum.
"That's taxpayers' money, too. And the dealers are cashing in on this scam because they know that medics, nurses and surgeons have got Blair over a barrel of marker crude in this argument.
"That in turn has pushed the prices up for you and me....er I mean for ordinary spliffers who just want to part with a reasonable sum each week to pursue their hobby in the privacy of their own homes".
The BMA has also questioned protectionist Government policies of allowing London Mayor Ken Livingstone to head the City's crack cartels following his latest cheap coke deal with Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez:
"No wonder the Peckahm kids are out shooting eachother in their bedrooms, the big bastards have moved in on theit traditional territory".
And as for Prince Charles, the BMA is absolutely livid that once again he has been allowed out of the padded cell and is on yet another Arabian Gulf tour to renegotiate his annual smack deal.
"Reinventing himself after his 1999 bankruptcy meant subservience to the McTomb Raider ruling family of Dubai. So an annual arselicking pilgrimage is now de rigeur to secure those 10% commissions on Taleban opiates and dodging Treasury attempts to get VAT slapped on all the profits".
