Lake District To Become Waste Site

Funny story written by Brancastrian

Thursday, 15 February 2007

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The growing problem of effectively disposing of the nations non-recyclable waste was further emphasised today when it was announced that the Lake District was to be redesignated as a "peoples" landfill site.

For many years, people from all over the world have enjoyed the beautiful scenery of England's most rugged and mountainous terrain, a long time national park. However, with the soon to be opened Fens National Park in Cambridgeshire expected to provide stern opposition -and easier walks- the long term future of the Lakes as a tourist destination was put into doubt.

Government spokesman Sir Percy Eddington explained the decision earlier today. "What makes things easier for us is the depth of the Lakes. Many are several hundred metres deep which means a great deal of London's refuse can simply be deposited there without anyone being aware of it. As they fill up, we will spread the rubbish out, equally, in amongst all of the valleys, some of it, height wise, will imitate the indigenous mountains. Again, there is a aesthetic point to be made here-a two thousand feet high pile of granite rock, a two thousand feet high pile of City refuse, what's the difference? It might be rather pleasing in a contemporary sense"

He refuted claims that the open air sites would encourage vermin by saying "...much of the poisonous and chemical waste will be artfully spread around the periphery and in the streams and waterways, thus halting any problems there"

Work is expected to commence on the project in early 2009, with the landfill from the building of the Olympic Games site in London earmarked for Coniston Water.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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