Chutney-On-The-Fritz Fears Postal Strike

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 2 December 2019

image for Chutney-On-The-Fritz Fears Postal Strike
Where blandness is a virtue, and mundanity the norm

The residents of the pretty little hamlet of Chutney-on-the-Fritz are up in arms this morning after it was announced last night that a Royal Mail postal strike over the Christmas period will leave them virtually cut off from the outside world.

The location of Chutney is, of course, a closely-guarded secret, and, aside from the local inhabitants, nobody knows where it is.

Those who do, are sworn to secrecy.

All have been forced to sign 'The Official Secrets Act'.

In keeping with this 'postcode of silence', the Royal Mail has a special branch of postal workers who are responsible for making sure the village gets its mail safely, securely, and, above all, secretly.

The department is called 'Department C', or 'Dept. C', for short.

Now, however, with a nationwide strike set to commence on 16 December, 'Fritzers', as the residents are known, are worried that they may become so isolated, that the world will completely forget about them, and consign Chutney to history.

One man who isn't particularly concerned is Brian. He said:

"No post, no problem. I'm sending everyone an email - the same email. It'll save so much time and money!"

Another man, who refused to give his name, but had a stunning revelation, said:

"They don't celebrate Christmas in Chutney; they celebrate blandness and mundanity," he said, emphasising the semi-colon.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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