Britain's roads no longer safe for lesbians says Sir Cliff Richard

Written by Clive Danton

Thursday, 28 November 2019

image for Britain's roads no longer safe for lesbians says Sir Cliff Richard

Pop icon, Sir Cliff Richard, last night slammed Britain’s Department of Transport for failing to deal adequately with what he sees as the crisis on Britain's roads with regard to lesbians.

Speaking at a rally attended by thousands of elderly fans, the Peter Pan of pop, said: “Every year in Britain, thousands of people are run over, and it stands to reason that quite a few are lesbians.

“Until this inequality and bigotry towards the lesbian minority is stamped out, we can no longer call ourselves a functioning democracy.

“I’m calling upon the Transport Secretary to ensure that our lezzas are given adequate protection from road traffic accidents.

“Perhaps they could be given extra tuition on road safety, and be issued with hi-viz Dr. Martens and dungarees or something along those lines.”

Sir Cliff’s call comes just a week after Scary Spice out of the Spice Girls called for a public enquiry into the number of Do-It-Yourself fatalities among the country’s arse-bandit community.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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