Big Brother Demands Court Order for Tapes

Monday, 5 February 2007

image for Big Brother Demands Court Order for Tapes
Police need the tapes for Canteen Sweep Stake

Bosses of Channel 4 have insisted that the Police, investigating the alleged Race Crimes' within the house during Celebrity Big Brother 2007, obtain a court order to get the unedited tapes.

It is thought that the hours of recorded goings on, a good proportion of which has not been seen by the public, may contain more interesting footage than the licence fee paying public were privy to.

The Police Chief in charge of the investigation has sought to refute the suggestion that it is because he and his wife missed the Jackson Tribute task and wanted to see it.

Indeed the screening of Jack Tweed humping Jades hip (as seen on TV) is rumoured to have been more explicit than at first thought. One of the officers in the case protested that " we need to see it again as we have sweep on how long it took...I've got 20 seconds and the 'Sarge' reckons it's more like 15".

Meanwhile Danielle Lloyd has been leading the Paparazzi a merry dance by exiling herself to foreign shores in an effort to 'sort her Head out'. At one point a Paparazzi lens-man complimented Ms Lloyd "We lost her for a few minutes in the hub bub of Cite Europe..but she popped up telling us to try and keep up ' for fooks sake'."

Back in Britain Jo 'munter mouth' O'Meara has been keeping a low profile by hiding out in various TV studios giving exclusive interviews to a number of TV stations and newspapers. She insists that she just wants to be left alone.

Shilpa Shetty, the alleged victim and winner of the BB Debacle, has been milking the issue for all it is worth. She is due to address the Queen on matters later today before she advises the Pope on Catholic adoption issues.

What of the infamous Jade? She is holed up in Jack's old uncle's gaff in East Anglia contemplating the future of her 'kebab', whilst ruminating on the likelihood that she is indeed a minger after all.

The Spoof would like to point out that Jade's presence in East Anglia is in no way connected to the outbreak of avian flu (farmers have been urged to keep poultry away from wild birds and in Jade's case this includes chicken OXO) and that Jack's uncle is not the "BOOTIFUL" Bernard Matthews.

However as a precaution, Turkey Kebab is off!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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