Lollipop Luvvies

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Sunday, 17 March 2019

An 86-year-old lollipop lady is refusing to retire despite the fact she could well just “keel the fuck over” at any second. Gladys, 86, said:

"I couldn’t give a fig what people think, and I couldn’t give a fig that no-one has crossed this road since 1987, and I especially couldn’t give a fig about all these Millennial whingers who can’t get a job. Work harder and you’ll get one. World's gone soft."

Gladys began working as a lollipop lady in her spare time despite being told by local residents that “you don’t need to do this” and “this is a waste of council money”, but Gladys wasn’t going to be stopped.

She said:

"A can-do spirit is what got us through the bombing raids….well that and an Anderson shelter. But it’s the same Blitz spirit that has always got me through life."

She wanders out into the middle of the busy intersection and raises her sign and the traffic grinds to a halt. She waits there for three minutes as no-one crosses. She comes back to us, her job completed.

She nodded to herself:

"People say that there’s no need for me to be here, and that I’m wasting time. Or the new one they threw at me “there’s no pedestrian pavement round here”. Well there were no pedestrian pavements on the beaches of Normandy but did that stop our brave boys? No, and it won’t stop me."

Colin Greenwood of the local Labor council said:

"Look it’s just cheaper to wait until a big fucking truck ploughs her down rather than go through the inevitably lengthy court case that she’ll drag us through if we sack her."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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