Man on benefit calls for investigation into "continuing subsidisation" of George Osborne

Funny story written by CountrygirlJo

Friday, 5 April 2013

image for Man on benefit calls for investigation into "continuing subsidisation" of George Osborne

A Man on Jobseekers Allowance today called for questions to be asked about whether privilege, massive inherited wealth, and membership of the aristocracy had helped to subsidise George Osborne's lifestyle as "a Vindictive Conservative Chancellor up to his neck in vested interest". The Man's intervention, said by friends to have been "carefully judged", is indicative of the increasingly bitter debate about whether Britain can continue to afford to have 'a Conservative Party'. Said supporters of The Man, "Osborne's recent behavior brings up questions about how the most wealthy can exploit the system and we'd like to look into the political benefit he is getting out of making various claims. There is also the matter of the massive and unsustainable cost to this country of having the current government."

Well known for appearing on tv, alongside figures like Anne Widdecome, Osborne has been challenged by a range of tv presenters over the years. He has consistently been unapologetic for his politics, and is understood to reject charges that he "burned down the economy and killed its future". As recently as last month he repeated his allegation that the "Global Recession did it".

Sources close to Osborne are also keen to point out that his background means he "hasn't been given many chances" to understand those worse off than he, and talk about the early influence of shadowy Oxford gang, "The Bullingdon Club" on him. Added one, "It's all very well for you people from the Churches and the charitable sector with your degrees from the University of East Anglia, to mock. But as the heir to a Baronetcy, with a personal fortune of at least £4 million, you have to understand the real disadvantages that George has had to face in connecting with the reality of people's lives. People like George just think they can do what they like - it's their upbringing."

The Man, speaking from his lounge in a cardboard packing case behind the Burger King at Heston services (Westbound) after being laid off by an electronics retailer last year, maintains that he is not bitter about having applied for sixty three jobs without success. He said, "I'm not suggesting that senior Conservative politicians are taking advantage of privilege, often inherited, to stigmatise people on welfare, manipulating public opinion to sustain their wealth and the wealth of their friends whilst the poorest suffer. Nor do I want to imply that this is part of an attempt to create a society in which those who meet hardship through disability, illness or ill fortune are scapegoated by being associated with worthless criminal psychotics, in collusion with the right wing press, so that others can continue to make immense amounts of money. But if you quote me it will look like I am so please print all that."

The country is expected to reach a verdict soon - after which the sentence from many is expected to be "I'm voting Labour".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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