Written by K.C. Bell

Monday, 31 December 2012

image for Who Said England Was 'Just A Small Island': Groucho Marx, Mitt Romney Or Forrest Gump?

Hold onto you hats, England. Whose pants are on fire: Groucho, Romney, or Forrest Gump by writing: "England is just a small island. Its roads and houses are small. With few exceptions, it doesn't make things that people in the rest of the world want to buy. And if it hadn't been separated from the continent by water, it most certainly would have been lost to Hitler's ambitions."

Water? So much for the people.

Hats still on, but ready to throw a shoe?

As Prime Minister in the film, Love Actually, Hugh Grant had a different view of Britain: "We may be a small country, but we're a great one too. We are the land of Shakespeare, Churchill, the Beatles, Sean Connery, Harry Potter, David Beckham's right foot. David Beckham's left foot…"

Forrest Gump was confused when asked if he had a shrimp boat. Thinking size, Gump indignantly replied 'no' that he had a big boat. "England is just a small country. Its roads and houses are small…" was not a Forrest Gump quote.

A sassy Groucho Marx might easily have written the quote on an extremely flippant day, after finishing off a Scotch, getting into a Rolls Royce and driving off to shop at Harrods.

But no cigar.

The 'England is just a small…' is from a book titled, No Apology: A Case For American Greatness, by Mitt Romney, the man who would be, but won't be President.

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others." Though that may sound like Romney, that was actually written by Groucho Marx.

Irritated by Romney's prediction that the 2012 British Olympics would be a doormat failure, David Cameron countered with: "Of course it's easier to hold the Olympics in the middle of nowhere." Making one speculate whether The Cameron had already read, No Apology, by Mitt Romney, and was biting at the bit for the opportunity to blast back at the scribe.

Groucho wrote: The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Romney couldn't fake that.

Read more by this author:

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
87 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more