Turner Prize Shortlist "All Bollocks" Says Expert

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Tuesday, 1 May 2012

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Some contemporary art yesterday.

A woman whose work has included projects based on Star Wars character Jabba the Hutt is one of the four artists shortlisted for this year's £25,000 Turner Prize.

Performance artist Lali "Spartacus" Chetwynd joins Luke Fowler, Paul Noble and Elizabeth Price on the shortlist.

The prize is often controversial - sculptor Martin Boyce, whose works include artificial trees and a leaning litter bin, won last year's accolade.

Spartacus Chetwynd made her name by staging recreations of such cultural landmarks as Michael Jackson's Thriller video and F Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby; Paul Noble is a painter, draughtsman and installation artist who explores society through drawings of a fictional town called Nobson Newtown; Elizabeth Price draws upon historical film, photographic archives and collections of artefacts to generate fantasy episodes; and Luke Fowler creates cinematic collages that have often been linked to the British Free Cinema movement of the 1950s.

But one local expert subscribes to the theory that contemporary art is a confidence trick played on the public and collectors by artists and cognoscenti.

"It's all bollocks, is this," says Damien Strap, who runs the print and framing shop on Scapula Parade.

"My six-year-old could do better than that - you should see the houses she does in painting class. At least you can tell what they're supposed to be. And at least she knows what her mum looks like - you can always tell it's her, with her triangle for a dress and everything.

"But, I mean, look at all this modern crap. I mean. It's crap innit?"

Mr Strap said he would not be going to see the exhibition of the short-listed artists' work, which runs until October 2 at Tate Britain.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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