Evolution v Creationism - Sorted By Local man

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Saturday, 21 April 2012

image for Evolution v Creationism - Sorted By Local man
Some Haemorrhoids Pictured Yesterday Dangling Out Of A Propogandist's Arse

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, a self confessed idiot and long time champion of the pork pie hat, today added his inconsiderable weight to the great Evolutionism v Creationism debate, which has been raging on, quite frankly, idiotic website, www.thespoof.co.uk by describing the whole debate as: "A load of old propogandist bollocks."

Cracking another can of Belgium's finest, which he'd just salvaged from the fridge, Shuttlecock, in unusually reflective mood, opined that the Creationist argument was "Just about as fucking stupid and brainwashed as it ever gets."

Shuttlecock, who describes himself as 'a devout Christian, when the going's good, and even more devout when things aren't so good' declared that the argument was a conflict of wishful thinking, and that Creationism is basically just another way of scalping gullible idiots out of their hard earned cash. And getting them to put their idiotic viewpoints out in the public domain.

Creationists apparently deny all the geological evidence that the earth is millions of years old, and insist that it was all created by God about ten minutes after the Beatles broke up.

Which would date the planet we exist on at about 43 years of age.

Creationists argue that evolution, as proposed by Charles Darwin, is just a load of silly old nonsense, because some bloke in Salt Lake City or somewhere equally weird, told them so, and asked them to send him some money, because he is right, and everybody else is wrong.

They also state that 'Jurassic Park' was just a fictional novel, and an equally fictional film.

"Dinosaurs never existed, and the fossil record is a myth," Creationist and devout conspiracy theorist, Jerry Dweeb from, Jackson, Mississippi insisted. "Anybody with half a brain knows that God created the world right after the Beatles broke up in 1969. The evidence is there for all to see. Y'all. Just send me some more money and I'll prove it!"

"Hang on!" an increasingly irate Shuttlecock protested. "It's all a load of absolute bollocks is this! I believe that there's some purpose to our existence, and I believe thet the teachings of Jesus Christ are as valid today as they were when Jesus taught them. But I don't think we're half as important in the greater scheme of things as we'd like to think we are.

"With advances in technology and space exploration, we can see with our own eyes how planets develop, and to describe geological findings as the result of a biased mind is sheer folly. There's surely some rationality to be gleaned here. I believe in the 'higher force' theory, and I have great faith in science, but what really fucks me off is when supporters of one or the other viewpoint expound their views, on so-called humorous websites in a witless and totally unimaginative manner. That's just propoganda, and it stinks.

"Anyone fancy a beer?"

Anne Shuttlecock was safely tucked up in bed when we tried to contact her for comment.

We'll try again tomorrow.

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more