British defences were bolstered this morning by the news that Derek Acorah the worlds number one psychic and peoples champion, has agreed to raise an army from the dead should our shores come under threat from an opposing nation.
Derek said "Protecting the British way of life has always been of the utmost importance to both me and Sam, and if those slanty eyed little buggers or anyone else come to that wants a war, I'll raise an army the likes that has never been seen before and crush them like a Jacobs cracker."
Neither NATO nor David Cameron was prepared to comment on the matter.
