Cannabis goes Metric

Written by Igor

Monday, 3 November 2003

image for Cannabis goes Metric
1.5 ounces or 42.525 grams of Cannibis

Agriculture: Cannabis is to join the rest of the organic vegetable world today and go Metric.

Previously, the drug, available from drug dealers was sold in quantities of ounces, half ounces, quarter and sometimes even 1/8th and 1/16th of ounces. This archaic form of trade dates back to ancient Roman trade when the Ounce (Uncia) was 1/12th of the Roman Pound.

Cannabis will now be sold in Grams said the Department of Agriculture.

The bold move, the first of its kind for illegal narcotics, will cause havoc with dealers as many are still using imperial weights system to divide their portions.

One group of Edinburgh Stoners were baffled by the move: "So, like, what you're saying is that we can't buy ounces anymore? Ok, right, I see, but what about Quarters? "

Kev Smart, a Dealer in the London area also condemned the move "This is madness, we buy the drug in 9oz blocks, what is the point in dividing a 9oz block into 255.15 Grams, that is far too much work, man." He went on to provide other reasons why he believed the move would not be popular with his customers. "Most of my customers buy, like, a half ounce, they just come in and say, like, 'Can I have a half O?' and that just sounds so much better than; 'can I have, like, 14.175 grams, dude?'"

The Department of Trade and Industry have defended the decision.

"This will bring Cannabis dealing into the 21st century, drugs such as Speed, Cocaine and PCP are sold in gram quantities, it is much simpler to provide consistency for the market, this also makes it easier to compare prices between different drugs."

The DTI further backed the move by offering to provide assistance for any dealers who required a change in their equipment.

"For a limited time, we will be having an Imperial Weights Amnesty, dealers can exchange their outdated ounce weights for new gram weights and will all be issued with a handy conversion table."

The Government have warned that anyone who is caught dealing Cannabis in Ounces will not only face charges for supply but will also be charged for incorrect trading under the Weights and Measures Act, 1963.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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