Written by Gary Midgeley

Friday, 11 June 2010

image for Three Lions WC Song Banned In SA
Three lions, red shirt

England may be featuring at this years World Cup, but sadly the popular English song 'Three Lions' will not as it's now been banned following a tragic and freak accident.

The 1996 hit for The Lightning Seeds and official anthem for England's Euro Championship is banned from being played and being sung by fans in South Africa during the World Cup after a misunderstanding left an English fan hospitalised and in severe condition.

Ken Neville, 50, was viciously attacked whilst walking back to his hotel room in South Africa and when he phoned for help, he was ignored for a massive 4 hours! "I thought he was just an English football thug" claimed the South African phone operator, "He kept screaming, 3 lions on my shirt, 3 lions on my shirt, so I put the phone down, then he'd phone back growling, roaring and screaming like a hooligan, so I again put the phone down, how was I to know he was actually being attacked by 3 lions".

After the lions fled the scene, Mr. Neville had no choice but to lay there for 4 hours and hope someone finds him before the lions came back, or worse, the Argentina fans find him, as his battery had ran out on his phone after trying to make the ignored phone calls for help. "That was the longest 4 hours of my life" he told us, "Just laying there, hoping those hairy, ugly, smelly, Argentina fans don't find me, I thought I was gonna die for sure, then raped, repeatedly".

He was found 4 hours later by some of his friends whom immediately called for an ambulance, but sadly they didn't find him in time as it appeared that some Argentina fans got there first.

The England fan is now in a South African hospital where he is being treated for multiple stab and slash wounds, thought to be caused by the lions and a very, very sore arse, leaving him in a stable, but critical condition.

The police are now on the look out for 3 lions, 1 wearing a 'Rooney' England shirt and a group of smiling Argentina fans. The 'Three Lions' song is now banned in South Africa during the World Cup as a result, to help prevent such a misunderstanding from happening again.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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