School Underachiever 'Comes Good

Funny story written by Mark

Tuesday, 24 June 2003

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Callum Practices New 'Death Grip' Move on Some Fat Guy

School boy Callum Horrocks (7) was pronounced World Champion Thumb Wrestler at the Internation Thumb Wars (ITW), Blackpool UK.

He says he owes his success to his mother, who bought him a Nokia 5100 for his 6th Birthday. The ergonomic design of the 5100 pro-actively builds muscle tissue in the thumb when the operator types a text message.

Callum sends tens of messages every day, and always remembers to text his mum to tell her if he won't be coming home at night. Callum's mother was not available for interview as she was sitting an exam for her National Diploma in Beauty and Hairdressing,

Callum's grandma did reluctantly give us the following statement for free. "We're all dead proud of our Callum's achievements. We all just love to see him :) No-one in our family's ever made anything of themselves, and to win such a prestigious award at his age is just wonderful."

Callum had to compete in fifteen knock-out heats, before obliterating the hand of the defending champion Srdjan Thumski (32) in the quarter-final. He then went on to break the thumb of his opponent in the semi-final.

In the final round, Callum's opponent put up a brave fight, but the war was over within six minutes with a sickening bone crunching noise as Callum broke his opponent's hand clean off.

Callum is now in training for next year's championship to be held in Sydney, Australia. He will be touring the UK in October and November to raise the funds to travel to the ITW 2004, and he has received numerous sponsorship offers from various tobacco companies, to the delight of his mother.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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