PHILADELPHIA - NFL deviant Michael Vick held a press conference this morning where he announced that he is gay.
Vick stated "prison made me realize how much I love men, their smell, their lips, scruff and I am gay now, it's a great thing for me, I am so important too, I want the fans to see that I am an important addition to the planet."
He continued to warble "Bubba from Ellajay, Georgia and I had a fling once on a confederate flag in his cabin and it was beautiful, we were sweaty and happy, the dogs were howlin, Jeb joined us for a bit. Boys, I'm comin home, Georgia on my mind, get greasy."
The Philadelphia Eagles have signed Vick to a five-million dollar deal. In the good ol' USA, you can be a dogfightin' ringleader, a homoerotic confederate bubba, and a pro NFL player all rolled into one, maybe even a date with Britney?
Vick says "if the football thing doesn't work out, I'll do gay porn for sure, Georgia is where gay porn began, it's in my roots, it's in our stars and bars, it's in my booty."
