Written by T. V. Henry

Thursday, 20 August 2009

image for Favre Reveals Troubled Relationship with his Shadow
Better watch out for your shadow there, pal.

In a revelation that many saw coming months ago, newly signed Vikings QB today admitted the source of his chronic indecisiveness and schizoid behavior.

"My shadow. It's been vexing me for a few years now," the perennial pro-Bowl QB said Thursday in an interview. "I see it and I make one decision. Then, I wake up, don't see it, and all sorts 'a doubt creeps in, like, 'Am I really doing the right thing?'"

Favre says the problem comes in three-week cycles. "I'm not always attuned to it," the Kiln, Mississippi native said with a wry smile."

Just four weeks ago, after a second consecutive mercurial spring and summer, Favre announced he was going to stay retired. Saying he "didn't feel he could play at a level that was acceptable," Favre made what seemed at the time like an ironclad final decision.

When asked what he thought of the inevitable "Punxatawney Pharve" taunts, Favre was unfazed. "I'm sure I'll get worse from my teammates, " Favre said.

Favre would not rule out another flip-flop before the start of the season, but said it was unlikely. " I tend wear my helmet when I leave the house once the season starts. That way, my peripheral vision doesn't come into play. But you never know with this problem. You can't underestimate it."
Viking's Coach Brad Childress also stated he is unworried

"As a coach, you see it all. I must admit this is unlike anything I've seen before. But Brett is part of the team now, and we will help him get through any challenges, especially [longtime Favre friend Viking's offensive Coordinator] Darrell [Bevel]."

Vikings players will also be proactive. " The practice field will be a Shadow-Free Zone," asserted star defensive end Jared Allen. "This guy has performed at the highest level for years now, and we think he can take us to that next level. I'm not going to let something as insignificant as shadows sabotage that."

Allen said the players would enforce strict protocols. "Always walk into the Sun. Keep eye contact with him, therefore keeping his eyes off the ground. That kind of stuff," he said.

Favre further revealed that his condition is sort of a family curse that gets worse with age.

"It doesn't seem to appear until we approach middle age. I had one uncle who decided to divorce and re-marry the same woman twice. . .in the same e year."

When asked why his shadow sightings seem to dissipate as training camp winds down, Favre bristled. "That's just a coincidence," he carped, adding "you guys just need to accept this for what it is and stop looking for stuff that isn't there."

Punxatawney Phil could not be reached for comment.

Copyright 2009 T. V. Henry

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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