Written by Jim West (desperado)

Thursday, 4 April 2002

image for Beckham's foot attacked
Left Foot:...something?s not right here

A nation gasped on Thursday when David Beckham's left foot, thought to be the most valuable body organ in the history of the world ever, was brutally assaulted, attacked and left for dead in a park this week. Mr Left Foot, who has often been rumoured as the power behind Beckham's bright purple throne, is in a 'critical but stable' position at the David Bowie Foot Hospital, Fulham. Beckham is thought to be by the foot's bedside.

The foot's attacker, a Mr Some Foreign Bloke, has been arrested on four hundred and twenty two charges, including being a complete and utter d**khead and living after the age of one. Analysts predict he will be sentenced after tomorrow's judgement to a long, torturous, painful death.

The entire population of England have been shocked beyond reasonable belief. Several tabloids, particulary The Sun, have started campaigns to avenge the attack.

The Sun has encouraged its readers to stamp on the foot of anyone looking foreign, "to see how they like it." The Daily Mail has criticized the BBC for disrespecting the troubled Beckhams by not wearing a purple tie (the favoured colour of the dysfuntional family), calling the TV station's behaviour "disgusting and horrendous."

Left Foot had hoped to attend the prestigious World Cup competition this summer in Japan/Korean, but Japanese/Korean officials insist that a participating foot must have three or more working toes, and should contain at least one working muscle.

Mr Foot is still currently in a coma and thus was unavailable for comment, but his owner was said to be "deeply touched" by the nation's reaction to his foot.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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