The 13th of August will herald the start of the Athens 2004 Olympic Games, or as close to it as their builders can manage.
Before I catch anyone sniggering, let me make it quite clear that I was thrilled to hear Greece cracked the nod.
Images of great sprinters, sweeping home in the 94,55 metres (used to be the 100 metres sprint but shortened to accomodate builders miscalculation of track's proximity to stands) in the shadow of the Comeacropolis (or something like that).
The sight of anti-terrorist units swooping on Athens after the javelin event. The stadium is 10 metres short of the qualifying distance, with each round guarunteed to reduce the population of Athens by at least two pedestrians walking in the roads alongside it.
But all of this pales when regard is had to the Olympic flame currently being carried from city to city.
As the construction team falls further and further behind, the carriers are being requested to stop at houses and ask for contributions of timber and the like.
Everytime they put down the Olympic flame to help carry, they leave behind a blaze, the aggregate of which makes the Great Fire of San Francisco look like a Barbie.
At this rate I'll be having sex for the duration of the Olympics.
Mind you Mrs Traps does say I'm the worst she's ever had (how she can tell all that in 6 seconds is beyond me).
But don't despair, if the games are shocking they say there's a nice drive out of Athens.
Apparently any drive out of Athens, is nice.
I shouldn't make fun of the Athens 2004, not when they have a top website which tells you, for example, that boxing has deep Greek roots (I hope that's not their way of breaking the news that it's going to be held outdoors - outbuilding....12 miles from the nearest telephone).
It's down to be held at the Peristeri Olympic Boxing Hall, which just last week was styled the "PeriPeri Olympus Steak n Hake Take Away".
Chef's on leave for the duration.
But there are many sports from which to choose.
Why not pop along to trampolining? It's being held in the Athens Olympic Trampolining Hall formerly the Athens Ablutions and Visa Centre.
With it's low ceilings ; a must for all visitors.
Remember last to leave must flush.
Another must is the swimming.
Theo Hadjinikolopolous, the builder in charge of constructing the pools only managed the one on time.
So why miss out on watching the swimming, synchronised swimming, yachting, water polo, canoe and kayak events.
At the same time.
Picture the medals ceremony after the 50 metres crawl :
"Anda Golda goes to the Australiana Paul Jones, Silver to Canada's John Beard who did getta the furthest despite being run over by HMS Yacht Pegasus in their time trial...anda sorreee we can'ta finda the thirda but well done everybodee".
With all this on offer don't let me catch anyone sniggering.....
