Kentucky Derby Champion Mired In Drug Scandal

Funny story written by tzdan

Sunday, 4 November 2007

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"No more White Pony for you!"

NEW JERSEY - The 'Sport of Kings' was rocked by scandal on Sunday as allegations of drug use by Kentucky Derby winner Street Sense surfaced.

Sense, 3, tested positive for the designer recreational drug ketamine during a random drug test conducted prior to the running of the 2007 Breeder's Cup Classic.

The debate about whether to strip Sense of his Kentucky Derby title has begun. Sense's supporters admit that while ketamine, commonly referred to as 'Special K' by recreational drug users, is an illegal substance, it is not a performance enhancer, and that the thoroughbred should be allowed to retain his title.

When reached for comment, a bleary-eyed and drug-addled Sense could only muster an incomprehensible "pbbbbt" in his defense.

According to sources, Sense, with a career earnings of over four million dollars, began to truly live it up following his highly publicized victory in the 2007 Kentucky Derby.

"Suddenly he was the cool kid in town," said the jockey of Derby runner-up Hard Spun. "He had a different mare on his foreleg every night. He was always in LA, hanging out with that hard-partying chimp from those MVP movies. He was spending a lot of time at the exotic dance clubs, snorting lines with Air Bud. I could see he was beginning to love the spotlight more than the sport."

Sense's jockey, Calvin Borel, attempted to make light of the drug test, claiming that ketamine is a widely used anesthetic in equine surgery, and that it had been administered to Sense by his veterinarian prior to a routine root canal. Borel's claims have been regarded purely as disinformation, spread to dampen the scandal.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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