Carlos Tevez "Football Slave" is finally going to have his registration released...but our sources can reveal that it wasn't a negotiation between "DODGY MSI" and serial "want that one'ers" Manchester United that stalled the transfer...it was THE KLINGON NATION whom Carlos's Father is a high ranking officer!
In a brief and at times intimidating interview with "GLOCCCHHSSSHHACK TEVEZ", he explained how this came to be: "My Klingon craft crash landed in Argentina and well we couldn't get a part to fix our warp drive! As HALFORDEZ was closed, damn lazy human scum, myself and the crew decided to go to a local tavern to pass the time.
"After many bottles of human falling down juice, I saw a vision of such ugly beauty across the room, I was enchanted. After closing time I approached her and we went out into the fields where I impregnated her with my mighty love wand.
"9 months later Carlos arrived, naturally I wanted him as my first born to be a mighty warrior but alas he had his mothers scrawny human genes. This year he was due to enlist in the Klingon Army but last week that Drunken Scotsman gave me the Alcohol fuelled hair drier treatment and made me an offer I couldn't refuse. So I gave permission for Carlos to play for Manchester United."
GLOCCCHHSSSHHACK TEVEZ then left the room in an inter galactic swearing rage, knocking over tables and biting a fellow reporter's head off on the way through the door.
