Written by Gerald Watney

Tuesday, 10 July 2007

image for Tour de Force - It's a knockout, on wheels!
Revised plans for Yellow Jersey in 2012

Flushed with the recent success of London's hosting of the opening stages of the Tour De France, event organisers have concocted an ambitious plan for the Tour's likely return in 2012. Acutely aware that many jaded cockneys shunned the spectacle of shaven legged men hurtling through the streets of the capital, they have decided to combine the event with that other staple of French sporting prowess, 'Jeux Sans Frontieres'. Known as 'It's a Knockout' in the UK, this bizarre sporting Euro-caper ran from 1966 to 1982, making household names of its presenters Eddie Waring and Stuart Hall.

"The way I see it, this can only be a good thing for the sport", claimed Tour spokesman Brian Cheddar, "There'll still be bikes - of sorts- but giant latex Beefeater costumes, spinning greased logs and giant teacups… surely that's the way to bring the tour into the 21st century, isn't it?"

"Look, the bikes aren't going, just getting more wheels. And maybe a couple of honking horns. Parrp parp! Magic!"

But not everyone involved in the sport was so enthusiastic. Seven times Tour winner and definite non drugs-cheat Lance Armstrong lambasted officials: "Those officials, they deserve a right lambasting." he said. "Stuart Hall still owes me a tenner from 1993, the tw*t. Listen; a mini-tour with monkeys on trikes, that's the way to go. Trust me, I can make this happen."

Eddie Waring died in 1986.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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