Written by SpaceElevator

Tuesday, 5 June 2007


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image for Pronger beheads Duck and Senator; suspended additional game-and-a-half for misconduct
Hockey fight!

OTTAWA (Citizen Staff Writer) - In a scene straight out of an Al-Qaeda recruiting video, previously suspended Chris Pronger came off the bench to separate two players' heads from their bodies in Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals.

Said Pronger, "I don't second-guess my actions... that would be a sign of weakness. If the officials decide that there was inappropriate contact, then they can penalize me." Pronger's coach added, "People can say all the negative things about Chris Pronger they want, but he helps us win games."

The two players beheaded included Ottawa right wing Chris Neil and Pronger's own team captain, Scott Niedermayer. By decapitating his teammate, Pronger has a virtual lock on the Norris Trophy award given annually to the National Hockey League's top defenceman.

After serving an additional mandatory game-and-a-half suspension, Pronger is expected to be handed over to the authorities on murder charges.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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